Have you been trying to erase your flaws? Like your wrinkles and stretch marks?
The other night I was sitting in my room, listening to music, trying to uncover the pea beneath my mattress. You know the story of the princess and the pea. She kept asking for more mattresses because she could feel something in her bed, but instead of looking for what was bothering her she kept piling on more mattresses to try to ease her discomfort.
There was something that was bothering me and it was deep down, probably about 20-30 mattresses below me. What flaw was plaguing me now?
I wanted to be at peace, be happy with what was in my life, but I kept feeling an irritation, a discomfort. I sat down and started to do my processing work. That is when I heard the words ‘inherently flawed’.
‘You are inherently flawed.’
‘Acceptance that you are inherently flawed is a necessity for happiness. Embracing your true self and your flaws will lead you where you want to go.’ This is the message that I found with my pea. ‘‘This is the message for your mind.’
I have been doing the embracing processing technique for a while now and I never thought of embracing what I perceived as flaws before. I just embrace my emotions, but not processing how my mind was seeing them as negative, as something in the way of getting what I wanted.
I have confidence in myself and like who I am consciously, but subconsciously there is still the rejection of my perceived flaws as a human. This is very deep stuff, deep within the collective unconsciousness is a deep hatred of our humanness.
Where did this come from? A few months ago I wrote about our inheritance of self loathing and how it is fear that keeps us in the place of the rejection of ourselves.
During this processing session I also discovered how I am plagued by ambition and bacteria (but that is another story about the Lyme disease). Ambition drives me to create, to help and to make things work better in our world. Ambition is also a part of what I use to reject myself, and is coupled with a fear of failure.
If I don’t have ambition, then I must be a failure. My mind says that if I am not ambitious then I can not succeed, but my ambition is also causing me to see myself as flawed, leading to a need to spin my wheels and continue to make myself better.
I am who I am, that is it, there are no flaws, only parts of myself that need to be embraced, that need to be welcomed home.
My ambition to make things better gets turned upon itself.
‘But what do I need to make better, I am whole, beautiful and wonderful?’
‘No one is perfect, there has to be something to fix’ – is how a part of me responds. This is not the truth, it is a story that has been passed down to us from generations, from TV, from where?
I started exploring the polarities of my desire and fear of truth and my desire and fear for the story. My desire for things that are not real, my ego trying to make sense of things that just don’t make sense to my mental being, therefore creating a story that is not true just to make sense of it.
Making sense of feelings that draw us to move, or quit a job, or change our whole lives. Reasons for our relationships breaking up and for getting sick. Our minds need to solve the equation even if it has to make something up.
What is real in your life and what is a story – the result of trying to solve the equation?
We have been exploring some of these questions in the 30 day Sacrifice cleanse. This is still open to anyone that would like to join. You can start any time you are ready.
So yes, our minds think that we are inherently flawed, and yes it may be true from that mental perspective because the equation can not be solved. It is like in the Matrix Reloaded (the second one), the architect tells Neo that he is anomaly of the matrix program trying to balance out an equation. That he was something to be fixed – that is the mental body trying to make sense of all the things that it can not understand.
Lucia Rene says that the mind is just a logic tool, it was never meant to run the whole show, it is overwhelmed by all the responsibility. I see it as a loyal servant, it continues to run its wheels no matter what, it is trying to find logic in areas of your life where logic does not exist. It is only one part of a system that needs all of its parts to work together to create a life that you want to experience.
So take time to honor your mind and allow it to be a part of the whole team: mind, body, soul, heart, and spirit. All the members of the team need to be involved to create what you want. And yes it might seem a little like Jekyll and Hyde, but eventually you will get the whole team working as one.
If you want to have what you want, then you need to look for the pea.
Let me know if you need some help.